Washington Post Neologisms

Each year the Washington Post has a neologism contest in which people are asked to give alternate meanings for common words. Here are my favorites from this year’s winners:

1. Coffee (n.): the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Negligent (adj.): describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

3. Lymph (v.): to walk with a lisp

4. Gargoyle (n.): olive-flavored mouthwash

5. Testicle (n.): a humorous question on an exam

7. Pokemon (n.): a Rastafarian proctologist

8. Oyster (n.): a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

9. And, my personal favorite: Frisbeetarianism (n.), the belief that when you die, you soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

The Washington Post also invites readers to take a word, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Again, my favorites from this year’s winners:

1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

2. Foreploy (v.): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

4. Inoculatte (v.): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

5. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

6. Ignoranus (n.): A person who is both stupid and an asshole.

7. Karmageddon (n.): It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.